i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm at about main and main street
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
