I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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