$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
