he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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