i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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