His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize