He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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