If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
