she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
