i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
