I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
