she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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