She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
