nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
