My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize