I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize