I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you would pick up someone in the library
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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