Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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