I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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