Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
