She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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