Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
