ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i believe in u and ur pee
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
