i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
