Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize