david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
