I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
