You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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