Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
