Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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