im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
