Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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