Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
