So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
