i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We’re leaving where are you
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