Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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