Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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