We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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