I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
