so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
