i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He has the fingertips of a God
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