Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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