If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
