we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
