I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
