I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
