When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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