That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
