I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
