Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
