phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just found a bag of teeth...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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