The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
