He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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