Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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