my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
