if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
