My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
