i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
