Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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