Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
