Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
