We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
and you fell through a lawn chair
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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