You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize