I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
