no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
