the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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