Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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