guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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