if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
