Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize