I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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