She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
