After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I fill condoms, not promises.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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