I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize