I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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