dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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