do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
